What Not To Say To Special Needs Parents And What To Say Instead
Parenting a special needs child is a very challenging and emotional experience. Unfortunately, many people may not know what to say or how to act around special needs families, leading to awkward or even hurtful interactions. As a special needs parent myself, I know how it feels to hear someone say the wrong thing unintentionally. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know what to say. To help avoid these situations, let’s discuss what not to say to special needs parents and what you can say instead.
1. “I’m sorry.”
While this may seem like a kind gesture or is being said with good intentions, it can actually be hurtful, and come across as pitying or condescending. Instead, try saying something like “Can you tell me more about your child?” or “What are some of your child’s strengths and interests?” This can help foster a conversation that focuses on the child’s unique qualities and abilities rather than their challenges. Also, saying “I’m here for you” shows that you want to be supportive in any way you can.
2. “I know how you feel.”
While you may think you understand what the parent is going through, every special needs child is different and every parent’s experience will be unique. Instead, try saying something like “I can imagine that this is difficult for you. How can I support you?” or “Is there anything specific you need help with?” This shows that you acknowledge the parent’s challenges and are willing to offer assistance in a respectful way.
3. “He/she doesn’t look disabled.”
You may think you’re giving a compliment but in reality, it shows your ignorance on the topic. Disabilities are not always visible, and assuming otherwise can be insensitive. Instead, try saying “Tell me more about your child’s condition.”
4. “Have you tried (random cure/unsolicited advice here)?”
The last thing a special needs parent wants is to feel like they are not doing the best they can, especially if the comment is made by someone who doesn’t have a child or family member with a disability. Trust me, we’ve tried everything. Instead, try saying something like “I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk about your child’s treatment.”
5. “I don’t know how you do it.”
This may be your way of showing empathy, but it may inadvertently trigger other negative emotions. Special needs parents don’t have a choice, they have to because they love their children. Instead, try saying “You’re doing an amazing job.”
6. Using labels or stereotypes when referring to special needs children.
For example, saying “he’s autistic, so he must be a genius” or “she has Down syndrome, so she must be sweet” can be offensive and untrue. Instead, focus on the individual child and their unique qualities. Say something like “He’s really good at math and has a great sense of humor” or “She loves to dance and has a lot of energy.”
Your interactions with special needs parents can be very positive if you approach them with empathy, respect, and an open mind. By avoiding these common phrases and instead focusing on the child’s strengths and abilities, you can help create a supportive and inclusive environment for all families.