Mental Health & Motherhood
We are excited to present our first submission made by Just Cause Blog to spread awareness on the challenges of parenting and motherhood. Just Cause Blog focuses mainly on topics regarding Mental Health Awareness and Support, but also covers other topics such as Autism Awareness, Suicide Awareness and Prevention, Homelessness Awareness, Support for Veterans, and Normalizing Breastfeeding, Just Cause Blog also takes pride in receiving submissions from real-life people and collaborating with others to help Be The Voice, Raise Awareness and Break The Stigma. You can find this, and other articles at www.dailydelcham.com.
“This post is going to focus on coping with Mental Illnesses/Disorders while being a mother/parent. Prior to creating this blog, in my adult life, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In December of 2019 I was hospitalized as an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital for 6 days. During my six days of being inpatient, I really, truly learned a lot about myself and my disorders- that in all honesty, I didn’t know prior. After being released from the hospital, I was genuinely like you see in the movies. I walked out of the front doors, stopped and just stood there. I had an overwhelming feeling of calmness and relief. I was proud of myself for seeking help when I needed it- this was HUGE for me.
Since being hospitalized, I have had two children. My two daughters are both under two years of age, and let me tell you… Two Under Two is not for the weak! I am a stay-at-home-mother (SAHM) with both, so I am literally with them 24/7. Some days are better than others, but the hard days are probably some of most impactful on my mental health. Being a SAHM is 100% a full-time job; on top of having my babies, we have pets that need to be cared for as well. Between my children and my pets, I always have someone or something touching me all day, every day. At the end of the day, all I want to do is be alone and enjoy some peace and quiet. I absolutely become overstimulated and by the end of the day I’m ready to clock out. There are some days that having my hair down or wearing certain articles of clothing can make me lose my mind- that’s how much I do not want to be touched.
How does mental illness affect motherhood for me? I suppose we’ll just start at the top of the list. Definition of GAD, “a disorder characterized by excessive or unrealistic anxiety about two or more aspects of life (work, social relationships, financial matters, etc.), often accompanied by symptoms such as palpitations, shortness of breath or dizziness.” What does GAD look like for me? Physically when I’m anxious, I bite or pick at my lip and/or fingernails, pacing, leg bouncing, sweating, either talking too much or not at all (depends on the situation), staring, zoning out, playing with my hair, adjusting my clothing and/or fidgeting with objects. When does my anxiety come through during parenting? Always… just kidding. Although I’m very protective of my daughters, I tend to get anxious when I must get them ready to go anywhere or both of them are crabby/irritable/inconsolable at the same time. Aside from my two biological daughters, I also have a bonus daughter. Getting ready to go anywhere easily takes AT LEAST two hours. I need to get myself ready, all three of my girls ready, make sure our animals are cared for and get the diaper bag/other items ready. I have to make sure all the girls have everything they are going to need for however long we are going to be gone for. Why this makes me anxious, I still have yet to pinpoint. Having to take care of all of this just to go anywhere makes me extremely irritable. Things that make me upset when I’m anxious: if any of the girls start to whine or cry, anyone in the family asking me questions, any of the kids fighting me to get ready, any of the girls or animals touching me or following me and/or not being able to find something that we are going to need for that outing.
Definition of MDD, “a mental disorder characterized by a persistently depressed mood and long-term loss of pleasure or interest in life, often with other symptoms such as disturbed sleep, feelings of guilt or inadequacy, and suicidal thoughts.” What does MDD look like for me? My GAD and MDD go hand-in-hand. Often when I become anxious, I almost “shut down,” which then leads to me starting to feel depressed. I will cancel plans, not respond to calls/messages, and start to let myself and my surroundings go. When I become anxious, I lose sight of the positives which then triggers my depression. When I’m depressed, I let myself and my surroundings go which then triggers more anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle. When does my depression come through during parenting? More often than not, my depression isn’t triggered from something the girls have done. When I am coping with a flareup of depression, sometimes I get more depressed because I feel like I neglect my children. I don’t ever neglect them of their needs, but depression can cause me to not be super involved with them. During my flareups, it’s difficult for me to want to play games with them, to not want to stay in bed, to make sure that I am consuming the necessary food and water to produce breastmilk for my nursing baby and/or just enjoy such valuable time with them.
Definition of PTSD, “a condition of persistent mental and emotional stress occurring as a result of injury or severe psychological shock, typically involving disturbance of sleep and constant vivid recall of the experience, with dulled responses to others and to the outside world.” What does PTSD look like for me? A few of the major things that come through for me is constantly checking/asking for reassurance and always apologizing for my feelings and/or actions. When does my PTSD come through during parenting? I’m one of the mother’s that is trying to break the cycle from my upbringing. My childhood wasn’t awful, but there was a handful of things that I’ve experienced that I want differently for my girls. No matter the situation, I like to communicate, explain myself and/or apologize if I ever lose my patience and raise my voice.
Definition of OCD, “a personality disorder characterized by excessive orderliness, perfectionism, attention to details, and a need for control in relating to others.” What does OCD look like for me? I wish I could give you an entire list of my OCD quirks, but unfortunately, I either don’t notice them until someone points them out OR I’m in the middle of one and I think to myself, “Why does this even bother me?” Most of them are little things such as, only using large utensils- never the small ones. Checking- doors are locked, appliances are shut off, things are unplugged, walking through my house numerous times before finally going to bed for the night. I can’t stand when people leave drawers or cupboard doors open. Lists, lists, lists. I make lists for making lists. My OCD and GAD go together as well. If there is an event, I always need to know the who/what/where/when/why/how of every situation. When I’m not experiencing a depressive episode, I am always cleaning and organizing. Certain things have certain places, and if they’re out of place, I’ve honestly had mini anxiety attacks until they are how I see fit. When does my OCD come through during parenting? When I had my first daughter, it was AWFUL. She was 6 months old before I would let anyone watch her and the list of people I trusted with her was SHORT. I always overpacked and always made a L O N G list of the dos and don’ts for caring for her (as if they didn’t know how…). I always had to have my house clean, and my calendar was always up to date. With my second daughter, things have been more laid back. I’m more open to people watching my girls, especially when I need a break. The lists have shrunk, only including allergies, what diapers/wipes work for them, medications, things they like and things that keep them entertained. My house is lived in during the day and I’m able to control my urge to clean until the kids have gone to bed. I don’t get anxiety over dishes in the sink or laundry that needs to be washed. I let my kids play and make memories.
Mental Health is a bulk of my blog. I wanted to share with you all that it is possible to live a “normal” life while coping with various disorders. Do I need a little extra help to get me through my day? Yes. I am prescribed anxiety and depression medication. I have also had 1:1 talk therapy, group therapy and out-patient programming. Every day is a constant battle with my mind, but I no long have the desire to unalive myself. I’ve learned about my mental illnesses, my triggers, my warning signs and my coping mechanisms. It took numerous medication changes in order to find what worked best for me. I am able to put my ego aside and seek help when I need it. Of course I do all of this for myself, but I really do it for my children. I want them to have a mother who enjoys life and is present in all moments. Did I used to feel like I was weak and a failure for wanted to give up on life? Yes. Was I ever embarrassed by my diagnoses? Yes. Have I learned to “grow through what you go through?” Absolutely. Motherhood/Parenthood is difficult. Life is difficult. Just because things get difficult, is not a good enough reason to want to give up; but I needed to hit rock bottom before I realized that I needed professional help. Mental Health is very real and very scary. Somethings it takes a combination of things to get yourself back on track. You would fix a bone if it were broken, the same should go for your brain. As cliché as it sounds, it really, truly goes get better. Find that one thing, no matter how small, that keeps you going and hold on for dear life, literally and figuratively. Remember, “store-bought neurotransmitters are okay” and “it’s okay to not be okay.” Much love.”