4 Things I Learned As A Special Needs Mom Working As A Behavior Therapist
Regardless of your profession, we all have those job secrets other people don’t know about. Some of these are forbidden secrets we can never discuss for the risk of being terminated while others are things people may know about but can’t prove. Some of these secrets can be very hurtful, make you cringe, and may even be criminal, while others fill your soul with joy. I am a special needs mom working as a behavior therapist and I’ve become privy to some workplace secrets myself.
I’ve worked as a behavior therapist for the past five years and have learned quite a few things in the field. I’ve worked with children and adults on the autism spectrum who usually have other comorbid diagnoses, clients identified with multiple exceptionalities, as well as neurotypical children and there are some common themes that usually run among my colleagues. Thankfully, the ABA (Applied Behaviour Analysis) field is regulated so and I personally feel that therapists are held to a high standard. Because of this, we don’t have many jaw-dropping secrets that will floor you, though there are a few moments that cause you to scratch your head from time to time.
Though I am a behavior therapist, I am also a mother to a son with autism. With this in mind, I always analyze things not only as a therapist but also as a parent. I am also of the “treat others as you would want to be treated” philosophy which causes me to always try to look at situations from the other person’s perspective. You can sometimes tell a person’s character by how they treat others. This is very important to me as I work with some of the most vulnerable in our society, including their families.
Here are 4 things I learned as an autism mom working as a behavior therapist over the last four years that may shock you.
1. Some Care Providers Only Care About Profit
Having a child with a disability or being disabled can get very expensive. Assistive equipment and devices, therapy sessions, medical equipment and supplies, educational services, respite, and childcare come at a very steep price to parents and families who need and rely on these services. Providers know this and sometimes take advantage by charging high rates to fill their pockets, with little thought to the welfare of their clients. I’ve been offered jobs without being properly interviewed or screened, witnessed workers without the proper education and absolutely no training working with clients (i.e. receptionists!!), and have heard of other therapists being asked to falsify data to present to parents and regulatory agencies to make them appear better or worse than they are so families will stay or to ensure continued funding. What’s more sickening is that some of these providers themselves have children or family members with disabilities. It’s very disheartening to know that people solicit potential clients under the guise of caring for the client when all they care about is the financial gain they will receive.
When finding a service provider do your due diligence and conduct proper research before making a commitment. Find the company on Google, Facebook, or any other platform they may be on to see what they offer and are about. Read reviews and ask current and past clients about their experiences with the company. Look at staff turnover rates. Go to intake or trial interviews with your own questions to ensure they are also a good fit for your child. Most importantly, if you see something unethical, speak up immediately. You want your child in an environment where they will be cared for and where management and staff genuinely care about their progress.
2. Staff Gossip About Parents
Having worked in different environments with different populations, I can safely say parents are discussed among staff whether or not their child has a disability. You’ll hear conversations about whose parents are well off or struggling financially, who’s getting divorced, who the conceited ones are, and who doesn’t send proper lunches for their children. Most times conversations about certain topics are discussed to brief staff on any changes that may have an effect on the client’s emotional well-being and are therefore purely professional, but there are times when parents are discussed negatively.
3. Parents Are Judged
Parents are judged on a daily basis for a lot of their choices. Again, judgment comes regardless of your child’s mental ability, but I do find that parents with special needs children bare the brunt of this a lot more. A lot of staff are unable to fathom the amount of pressure parents are under and often lack the ability to empathize. Parents, and especially mothers, are expected to have a full-time job and then go home to clean up, make dinner, help children with homework, clean up after dinner, get the children bathed and ready for bed, get items ready for everyone for school and work the next day plus a list of other things and do this flawlessly. Many times while going through other life-altering events and without the proper support. Imagine having to do all of this with one or two (sometimes three) kids with special needs, some of whom need to be constantly monitored. Sometimes I’m amazed at how well some of these parents are keeping it together but instead of being applauded, they are torn down by staff who will never understand what they are going through. Yes, we chose to have children but some of us were dealt cards we didn’t see coming.
One area that sees the most judgment is therapy choices made by parents. Trust me, I heard some things that are really wacky, but I get it! Parents are trying all they can so their children can have a fighting chance at life, especially for when they are no longer here. Staff spend a mere six hours (if that) with these children and then send them home. They don’t see the struggles, the meltdowns, the sleepless nights, the anxiety, and the stress these parents endure so it’s easy for them to stay on the sidelines and judge.
4. There Are Staff Who Truly Care For Your Children
One of your biggest fears as a parent is never knowing if you’re leaving your child in a safe environment. If you have a child who cannot communicate, that fear is even greater. One thing I’m proud of in my field is how much staff care for and love the children they work with. Most times when a person enters a field catered to children or those with disabilities, it’s because they truly want to make a difference. They want to see these children be the best versions of themselves. Although staff can be petty at times, I’ve been honored to work alongside some of the most loving people I’ve ever met. People who will treat your children like family and will do everything they can to see them excel. I have seen this both as a therapist and a parent and I’ll be forever grateful for staff and colleagues like this.
I find that most times when people behave poorly it’s due to ignorance or just a lapse in judgment. Before having children, I used to judge parents when I saw their children throwing tantrums. I used to be one of those “I would never…” people. Now that I have been through meltdowns and a whole lot more, I think twice before passing judgment or criticizing someone else. If you are one to gossip or judge others, just remember if you’re not offering a solution or uplifting someone, just keep your comments to yourself. And to those who go above and beyond for our children, Thank You.