5 Ways Self-Care Routines Help You Be a Better Parent
We all tend to perform better when we are feeling our best. Whether at work, completing a test, or performing well in an interview, we feel more confident and respond better when we’ve had a good night’s rest and enough time to prepare. We try our best to get as many tasks completed as we can and we often are distracted when our mind and body try to let us know when we are doing too much. Even when our bodies finally break down we find excuses as to why we can’t take the time we need to recover and practice self-care
One area of our lives in which this rings true is parenting. There is always so much to be done, most times after completing our 9-5 jobs, that we neglect our need for me-time. Another reason we tend to not practice self-care is because of the guilt we feel when we take time from parenting to focus on ourselves. Guilt is And just as a side note, men feel guilt too…yes ladies they do!! According to Today.com in a survey conducted with Fatherly.com on 1,200 men in 2017, nearly two-thirds of working dads surveyed (63 percent) said they envy stay-at-home dads. About one in five (19 percent) said they felt guilty about not being “present” enough with their children and 17 percent said they suffer from “dad guilt” about working too much. So let’s cut them some slack.
Healthline.com defines parent guilt as a pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may “mess up” your kids in the long run. I’m sure we’ve all had those feelings at one point in our lives and for some reason, this guilt creeps up whenever we try to make time for ourselves. What we often fail to realize is when we do take time for ourselves, we end up parenting way better than we would if we didn’t. It is not selfish to do something for yourself, it will benefit your kids when you do. You also have to remember that self-care does not need to be an entire day at the spa. Self-care is an intentional effort to take time to do something that you enjoy. That may be a taking long bath after the kids are in bed, or having a glass of wine while reading your favourite book for 30 minutes, it could even be spending an extra five minutes rocking out to your favourite tunes in the car or finishing up a podcast before entering the mayhem after getting home.
So how exactly does it help your parenting skills? Here are five ways developing and implementing a self-care routine helps you be a better parent.
1. Self-Care Reduces Stress
Life is stressful as it is. Add 2 little rascals yelling “mom/dad” all day while ransacking your home plus all the other responsibilities they come with and you’ve got a recipe for disaster if you don’t keep your mental health in check. When you are stressed, your kids will know. You’re short tempered, you tend to overreact and become more judgmental and it affects the way you show affection to your child. This can also affect your relationship with your spouse and lead to unwanted tension. Additionally, your child may mirror your behaviour and your unhealthy reaction to the stress you’re experiencing which can lead to unwanted challenging behaviours. In the same breathe, when you’re able to manage stress in a effective way, it also shows and your relationship with your children are more fun and they feel more loved. You’re also teaching them boundaries and proper ways to manage their stress in the future. Taking time to decompress helps your entire household. Again, it may be a 30 minute massage, an evening walk, a 15 minute workout routine or a phone call to friend to vent about a difficult day, these activities are enough get those endorphins running to help you reduce stress so you can give your children the best version of you.
2. Self-Care Replenishes Your Energy
Stepping away from your children helps to replenish both your mental and physical energy. You’re able to use that time to recharge and help prevent burnout. Most of us are exhausted after finishing our 9-5 jobs, then we come home and go into parent mode. Stepping away doesn’t always mean that you’re physically away from your kids but instead doing an enjoyable activity while with them. I listen to music, call my mom or listen to bible verses while making dinner. I also sit and play Candycrush at the park while they run around and play. I recently had brunch with a friend who started acupuncture. She raved about but confessed that she didn’t know if it was the acupuncture or the fact that she was able to spend an hour in a dark room doing nothing. The point is, you can’t pour from an empty cup so when you replenish your energy you have more to give to your children. You’re able to listen to the stories from their day at school, play Yu-Gi-Oh and wrestling because you have the mental and physical capacity to do so.
3. Self-Care Gives you Prespective and Time to Reflect
Believe it or not, when your self-care routine involves other people (like girl’s/guy’s night or a trip to the salon) you spend an insane amount of time talking about your kids. Weird right? You get away from them only to keep talking about them. During these times, you gain insight from other parents and have the ability to reflect on some not so fun interactions you had with your children. I remember when my oldest started lying which infuriates (I HATE liars), and I decided to share it with a friend. She told me that her daughter had started doing the same thing and shared some strategies she found that helped. We don’t know everything, so sharing experiences and bouncing ideas off more seasoned parents help you to look at situations you may have with your children with a different set of eyes. Me-time also inspires reflection. It is during these these times that I’ve been able to play back arguments with my son which allows me to have further discussions with him where we are able to more calmly express how we feel and apologize if necessary.
4. Self-Care Helps Us Gain More Patience
Patience is a virtue we don’t always have, especially when it comes to being a parent. Patience is extremely important in child-rearing. It helps you deal with everyday issues in a calm, supportive manner. When you find yourself getting upset and are about to snap at your child, stepping back and taking the time you need to regroup helps you to communicate respectfully with your child. Requesting time to circle back to the topic or situation and taking a break also allows your child to do the same. Remember, our children are always watching and we want to teach them acceptable and appropriate ways to deal with emotions. Taking the time you need in order to have better relationships with your kids is totally worth it.
5. Self-Care Fosters Happiness
Self-care helps us to regulate negative thoughts which can make us happier. When we take care of ourselves in all aspects of our lives and feel our best, our outlook is usually more positive. This way you’re able to be more present with your kids and remain calm during stressful moments.
Remember, a little goes a long way so practicing self-care doesn’t need to be time-consuming or expensive. If you haven’t started yet, think of activities you enjoy doing and try to incorporate them into your daily routine. This can be the start to a healthier you for your children.